We need both mothers and fathers.

young girl swings from her parents' arms, but the father character has been painted over in white so that only the mother and daughter are visible while the father figure is vacant in the photo

(photo compliments of dailymail.co.uk)

Of the people I know, I can tell you who has been raised without a father, or a mother, or in a home victim to divorce, without having ever asked the person.

The people in the above categories exhibit similar behaviors and conduct their lives similarly.

We frequently hear about women with “daddy problems” who grow up without father figures. These women seek male attention in all of the wrong ways and participate in risky behavior. People say, Oh haha! Her daddy didn’t hug her enough as a child! But any person missing either a mother figure or father figure is starved of essential information in life, and have problems maintaining healthy relationships forever.

I recently read, “Like Father, Like Son, and, Yes, Like Daughter” by Molly B. Koch in Baltimore’s Child. It’s a good read about the importance of father figures.

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Women are not taught or expected to understand men in American culture

Before I potentially make anyone upset with the following, I’ll kick this discussion off by admitting that I have always been too selfish in relationships to bother with what the other person thought or wanted. I’m trying to change that.

Women are taught that we’re emotional (and that “it’s ok”), and that men aren’t. And men are taught not to be open about their emotions (big boys don’t cry and all that). So women are constantly taking up all the emotional support in a relationship and neglect their men.

It’s tough for women to understand how men operate emotionally because women just talk talk talk about it (to death) and men would rather not. It’s sets up this puzzle for women. It also makes it hard for women to recognize when their men are upset, and/or what could be upsetting them.

What’s the recovery plan?

Trust: How do you nurse it back to health after a mistake?

Trust is essential to relationships but once it’s broken by a lie or something worse, is it impossible to go back?

He “goes missing” for a night, “loses track of his phone” when you text and when he’s usually surgically attached to it, can’t account for a missing condom, lies about running into an ex, keeps passwords secret. Those are just the highlights of dramatic and scary stories I’ve been exposed to.

Would these things have raised interest before a trust-breaking situation?

You’ve decided to forgive. So you have to forget. Or seem like you’ve forgotten. Then you’re hiding and bearing the burden of a situation in which you were wronged. Seems unfair. So most women (and occasionally men) usually lash out and continue to make their partners pay for a mistake.

What’s another option?

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