Press ‘1’ for English? Ugh, how inconvenient.

uncle sam pointing with text reading "this finger wasn't made to 'press one for English!'"

(photo courtesy of

This post is about to be straight rant. You’ve been warned.

You’ve seen the t-shirts, the bumper stickers, the chain-Facebook photos: Boo hoo, the world is ending because I have to press the number ‘one’ for an English phone menu.

First, how dare you cry over having the privilege of a phone, a budget for a phone, a home with a phone line, a country with rampant access to cell phone coverage, time to make phone calls, the luxury of over-the-phone customer service access, and privilege and access to the services for which you’d call customer service in the first place.

Second, this is America. That’s the reason stated with these slogans, right? Let’s talk about America. America is a land where hundreds of thousands of people lived before the first European brought disease-riddled livestock, small-pox blankets, and invasive plant and animal species that destroyed one of the most intelligent, well-devloped, conscientious, environmentally advanced groups of people in our history. America is a land that was established by immigration, rebellion from oppression, and natural rights. America is the “melting pot” of dozens of nationalities, religions, races and cultures. Tell me your ancestors hopped off the boat and spoke fluent English. Tell me that it didn’t take a generation or two (yes, measured in lifetimes) for Russian, Italian, Irish, Spanish, Polish, Jewish, Korean, etc. families to implement English in their homes.

Also, are you naive enough to think that English is the end-all, be-all of language?

Plus, do you only respect people who speak English as a first language?

Next, is there no better cause to address on your t-shirt or bumper than the horrible atrocity of typing in one number in order to receive an English phone menu?

Finally, how long do you think it will be until the American Empire crumbles like history teaches it will? You’d better hope that non-English speakers have mercy on your arrogant self.

How egocentric are Americans? (rhetorical)

That’s all. Thank you, and have a nice day.



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